FAIL!

After looking at the TV guides for the rest of December, it's become apparent that there aren't enough movies on TV to faciliate completion of the Festive 50 without buying 15-or-so DVDs.

Given the amount of money raised so far, it makes more financial sense to reimburse sponsors rather than buy DVDs. It would just seem wrong to spend more money at Amazon or Play than the charity was getting.

So, it's with regret that I've cancelled the JustGiving page. Sponsors will be contacted individually to arrange reimbursement.

12. A Different Kind Of Christmas (1996)

Director: Tom McLoughlin
Written by: Bart Baker
Starring: Shelley Long, Bruce Kirby, Barry Bostwick

A man who lives entire life pretending to be Santa tries to reconnect with the son he walked out on twenty years earlier.

Sound familiar? That's because this is basically the exact same story as A Hobo's Christmas, which is ironic given the title. It's just as bad too, with the added attraction of being patently absurd, even if it is based on a true story. Another pisspoor addition to the old guys turning up at christmas sub-genre.

1/5

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11. This Christmas (2007)

Director: Preston A. Whitmore II
Written by: Preston A. Whitmore II
Starring: Delroy Lindo, Idris Elba, Loretta Devine, Chris Brown, Jessica Stroup, Mekhi Phifer, Regina King

Secrets are exposed when a family gathers together for Christmas.

The best film of the challenge so far, I think this is the first one that actually made it into a cinema. The difference in quality is stark, it clearly feels like more money, time and attention has been spent.

It's quite a long film, certainly compared to the 90-minute TV movies, but what holds interest are the numerous plot strands that are going on at any one time and engaging, likeable performances from the largely all-black cast.

From an eye-candy point of view Jessica Stroup, Lauren London and Kelli Whitfield were lovely to watch. Amazed to learn Whitfield was about 35 when she made this because she looks early 20s.

Also got a little bit excited to see the lobby of Union Station of LA in one scene, which I walked through on a couple of occasions back in October :)

There's a neat little cast 'Soul Train Line' at the end (Go Delroy! Go Delroy!) which is worth a watch, especially for Lauren London.

3/5

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10. The Christmas Card (2006)

Director: Stephen W. Bridgewater
Written by: Joany Kane
Starring: Edward Asner, John Newton, Alice Evans, Ben Weber

A soldier returns from a tour of duty to trace a woman whose christmas card to 'A Soldier' he randomly received while in Afghanistan.

The central idea of the plot has some merit for a romance or romcom, but the execution is flawed and implausible. John Newton is a staggeringly wooden lead, which is ironic because he spends most of the film working in a lumber yard. In this kind of film, the female lead is usually hooked up with some asshole and you spend much of the film wanting her to dump him, but in this the pre-existing boyfriend doesn't seem like that bad a guy. At least, there's nothing wrong with him the thoroughly delightful Alice Evans' character couldn't put right. Sooner than that put up with the personality and charm-free dullard played by Newton.

2/5

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9. Home By Christmas (2006)

Director: Gail Harvey
Written by: Monica Parker, Nancey Silvers
Starring: Linda Hamilton, Rob Stewart, Brenda Crichlow, Brittney Wilson

A woman is left homeless and destitute when her husband leaves her for another woman.

Joy oh joy, a film that doesn't suck! Much like finding a bar in the Atacama desert, this film served to wet the parched landscape of my viewing. It's by no means a great film, in fact it's barely a good one, but compared to the previous eight it's like watching Bergman.

I think it succeeds because it's not really a christmas film. It could have been set at any time, the fact it's set at christmas it largely incidental, so basically it's just a straight drama. Shorn of many of the typical trappings of the christmas film and, above all, the genre's cloying sentimentality, it's free just to get on with the story. That story is simple, but it's perfectly serviceable in the tradition of daytime TV movies.

Linda Hamilton is OK in the lead, but a pale shadow of her former self, nothing like the actress she was in Terminator 2 or even Dante's Peak. She looks old too. That's not a criticism of her - most of us will get there eventually, but she's clearly supposed to be playing someone younger and it just doesn't work.

3/5

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8. Eve's Christmas (2004)

Director: Timothy Bond
Written by: Jeffrey Schenck, Peter Sullivan
Starring: Elisa Donovan, Sebastian Spence, Cheryl Ladd

A businesswoman is given the chance to travel back eight years and and marry the man she jilted to persue her career.

I think this film is pretty much the low-point so far. 30 minutes in and I seriously started considering ways to get out of this whole challenge because the thought of having sit through another 42 films of this sheer, unmitigated tedium was pretty soul-destroying.

There were only two moments of interest in the entire film. The first was when Donovan mentions Japanese porn, so incongrous to the whole film that it stood out like a dildo in Hamley's. The second was where her character designs and launches (in 1996) an e-commerce website for a bookshop during the course of an evening and the next day the shop is swamped with orders. They even have a computer in the shop marked with a sign saying 'Order online here!'. Or you could stay at home and order, maybe? Not getting this whole internet thing are we?

1/5

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So yes, I'm struggling now so your sponsorship would be great encouragement. I'm also starting to run out of films. OK for a few days yet, but it looks like I'll have to start buying some in :/

7. 12 Days Of Christmas Eve (2004)

Director: Martha Coolidge
Written by: Jean Abounader, J.B. White
Starring: Steven Weber, Molly Shannon, Patricia Velasquez, Stefanie von Pfetten

A businessman finds himself forced to re-live Christmas Eve over-and-over so that he may mend his selfish ways.

This variation on the Groundhog Day theme is probably the best of these films I watched so far, though that isn't saying a great deal. It's enjoyable enough at the beginning and again towards the end, but the mid-section is tedious and repetitive. Weber makes for a decent lead and Shannon is pleasingly dry (and gets to quote Mies Van Der Rohe, who would have thought it?), but the rest of the cast are left with paper-thin characters.

2/5

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6. A Carol Christmas (2003)

Directed by: Matthew Irmas
Written by: Tom Amundsen
Starring: Tori Spelling, Nina Siemaszko, Dinah Manoff, William Shatner, Gary Coleman

Modern reworking of A Christmas Carol, the Scrooge role being translated into a daytime TV talkshow host.

Another desperately dull film, occasionally enlivened by the appearances of Shatner and Coleman. Coleman looks exactly the same as he did in Diff'rent Strokes, which provides pretty much the only laugh in the whole sorry effort. Spelling is fine (and quite attractive), but she's hampered by the material. I think she could be pretty good actress if someone gave her a decent script to work with.

1/5

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5. A Christmas Wedding (2006)

Director: Michael Zinberg
Written by: Richard Cray, Matt Dorff
Starring: Sarah Paulson, Eric Mabius, Dean Cain

After being called away on a business trip, a bride-to-be struggles to make it home in time for her wedding.

Reasonably watchable little romantic comedy, but it only really kicks in in the last quarter as the deadline approaches.

2/5

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4. A Hobo's Christmas (1987)

Director: Will Mackenzie
Written by: Jeb Rosebrook, Paul Freeman
Starring: Barnard Hughes, Gerald McRaney, Wendy Crewson

An old hobo tries to reconnect with the son he walked out on twenty years earlier.

It's hard to see who the audience for this film might be, other than perhaps hobos (who won't have TVs to see it on anyway) or people who have been abandoned by hobos. I'm sure such people exist, but it's hardly likely to have been a target demographic for CBS, even back in 1987 when any old crap would make it to the screen.

As with A Boyfriend For Christmas, there's just no drama in the film. Hobo turns up, there's a little bit of tension then everyone gets along fine for the remaining 80 minutes of the film. All very heartwarming I'm sure, but it hardly makes for compelling viewing.

Most notable for a relatively early role for Wendy Crewson, who would go on to be Harrison Ford's wife in Air Force One (in which she looked like a completely different person).

1/5

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3. A Christmas Carol: The Musical (2004)

Director: Arthur Allan Seidelman
Written by: Lynn Ahrens; based on the novel by Charles Dickens and musical by Mike Ockrent and Lynn Ahrens
Starring: Kelsey Grammer, Jesse L Martin, Jane Krakowski, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jason Alexander, Geraldine Chaplin, Edward Gower.

You know the story. This is, unsurprisingly, a musical version. I wonder how many other versions of A Christmas Carol I'll have to sit through this month? I have at least two waiting on already on Sky+.

I had originally set out to watch Christmas In Boston, but the film recorded was called Instant Message. Same cast and plot as Christmas In Boston, but the opening credits had a completely different title. Turns out that Instant Message was the film's Australian DVD title, so channel Christmas 24 clearly just stuck a DVD in. I guess I could have watched it, but the film as presented to me didn't have Christmas in the title, so technically didn't fulfill the challenge criteria.

Kelsey Grammer takes on the role of Scrooge in this mildly diverting (initially at least) adaptation. Starts off OK with some spirited musical numbers. Jane Krakowski makes for an alluring ghost of christmas past and much amusement is to be had from the fact the role could easily have come from a Jenna Maroney skit in 30 Rock. Unfortunately the spark leaves with her and the second half of the film is quite dull and all the musical numbers begin to sound the same. No idea why Jennifer Love Hewitt's in it.

Quote of the film:

The bank's made a healthy profit this year, so it's christmas bonus time lads!

2/5

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2. A Boyfriend For Christmas (2004)

Director: Kevin Connor
Written by: Roger Schroeder
Starring: Kelli Williams, Patrick Muldoon, Charles Durning, Bruce Thomas
A woman's teenage wish to Santa is granted when, twenty years later, she gets a boyfriend for christmas.

Yes, it's really as poor as that plot summary sounds. The entire film rests on the premise that a grown woman would let a complete stranger into her house on Christmas morning, let him erect a christmas tree and hang decorations then take him to her parents' house for christmas dinner.

This is one of the most dull films I've seen in a long time. Two boring central characters, no dramatic tension or jeopardy to make you feel like the characters are risking anything and, surprisngly for a film billed as a romantic comedy, no comedy and very little romance.

1/5

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1. The Man Who Saved Christmas (2002)

Director: Sturlar Gunnarsson
Written by: Joe Maurer, Debra Frank, Steve L. Hayes
Starring: Jason Alexander, Kelly Rowan, Ari Cohen, Ed Asner
A toymaker reluctantly converts his factory to produce items for the military during the first world war and unwittingly becomes the face of a government initiative to cancel christmas.

So I kicked off the challenge last night by watching this made-for-TV movie, chosen because it had the highest rating on IMDb of any of the five 'Christmas' films I had on my Sky+ box.

I managed to get about 16 minutes in before checking the time and trying to work out how much longer I had left. It's not a bad film per se, just a dull, overly-sentimental one. Alexander is a resonably engaging lead, but the bottom line is that everyone involved was just there for the pay check. That said, even my frosty heart was warmed when the MIA soldier unsurprisingly returned at the end. It meant the film was over.

2/5

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